' yandArt .

.

2006-06-21T11:39:00.000+08:00

new blog. haha. bapakau,mak kau. hoho. ok

the re-blog theory. haha. mapek.

2006-04-04T22:24:00.000+08:00

coming to the 3rd week in school,
1st week was bullshit when the dm
wants a slope on a super short hair.
2nd week, also on a monday,
handphone got confiscated.
3rd week, interhouse games postponed.
and nothing much.
i think im catching up well.
i hope.

2 dts were over. english and ss.
ss was easier because its just
almost like revision.
yah. maths n science
next week.
then. erm.
sleep. =)

okayy. GO!

2006-02-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

so so so so so so Em, Am, D, G, B7. do that 2 times. that's how u get the intro. hah. so, education, im not sure where u will take me next. urgh. bingit arrr. next . bridge. Em, Am, D, G, C, Am, G. C, Am, D, C, Am, D, G. yah. so this coming saturday, there's a pit. at pasir ris. go mesti go punya larr. haha. makan dia peh bara skali. api buat minum. confirm high. after work will be like 11plus. kiwak. penat sia. but still have to go lar. then next day luckily half-day leave approved. if not!!!! die lorr. khahaha. followed by C, G, C, D. this fucking font wont stop changing. haha. nevermind. macam siak ahh. haiyo. so next pay, a brand new guitar? haha. W550i? sneakers? shopping la. haha. then stop work readi. nabei customer. complain2. p complain mak ahh. mak dia peh bulu kaki betol. sleep.

coming home tonight ?

2006-01-28T14:14:00.000+08:00

so i've memorised the menu in less than 15 minutes. surprising? quite i guessed. my other friends took like 3 days? err. kay im not showing off. just surprised.

im sick of taking blames which are not mine. enough of frustrations at work. can i, can i please rest my mind after work? its not hard to understand, to follow. its just the way u tell me. harsh? do u really understand whats going on? no. even if u do, u wont help. u just want things ur way still. what happened yesterday was seriously disappointing. i stayed by you. even if his presence was short, i still stayed right? my friends werent as important as what u think. why did u go telling ur friends about what i said? my stay was sincere. i only wondered why he just came n left. the other day u said i made use of u. made use? wahah. wtf. "u come to me when u need me, when u dont want me, u throw me". hey2. it is so not right. i try to spend my time with u when there's time. errgh. never mind. u wont understand.

kay. now its clearer to what it seems. silhouettes to shadows. at least an improvement. what seems like plains and winds are cemetries. peaceful? so peaceful. no its not even scary. just lonely. Once Upon A Bloody Made-Up Lie. -Now What?!

drink MORE water .

2006-01-24T23:27:00.000+08:00

okay. so just came back. lek2 with marsh aul along ham fau izzat n jab. so first thing's first. 1.33pm reached the school bus stop. met jab. he says he wan to play pool. so okay head for pavilion. reached there. table 23 was it? cnt remember. so the lady there thought jab was wearing school pants. wtf?! haha. stoopeed. then we played for an hour and 25 mins. thats what we planned. but by one hour n 17 mins we already left. so before we left in the pool met phython's boys. haha. never mind. then when we already left marsh called again. met him under adam blk. then walked to fight clubb. then we went clubbing. jab was the first to hit the dancefloor. haha. mapek. tk la. actually we reached the fight club. no one was there. n marsh n jab was hungry. i called home. too bad there's no food at home. then they had to go to McD. then i went home to change n bring the guitar down. before that i wrote the chords for the song Rindu serindu-rindunya by spoon. then brought it down too. then fau jat n ham came. fau played the song after me. wahaha. diff techniques. i played n jab sang. then fau played then ham sang. yah mapek la basically. then marsh n jab left.then left me aul n along.we sang many2 song. me n aul laa. rindu serindu2nya, permaisuri, bidadari, untukmu sayang, sejati, tak mungkin berpaling. basically many larr. dead bored. then one by one left. until left me n aul. haha. so boring. did for him his art. draw a clock and a guitar. err. haha boring. Should i Stay? Next Stop . Where to ? .

when will everybody understand.

2006-01-17T13:44:00.000+08:00

okay. so im very bored. actually nothing to talk about la. just maybe at work i get enough frustration and when i reach home, i get more. if u think about it. it would be easy. but its not so easy to do. you already face IDIOTIC customers; while i dont deny that some customers are well behaved. haha. you already face IDIOTIC customers in the day and when u get home at night, just more frustration. i need a break. my mind needs a rest. how come u dont think it this way. what i decide is whats really best for me. come on. u made the decisions of ur life. why must u still decide on mine? when will i have the chance? so whatever it is my mind is tired okay. it needs a break. what can i do at home? other than face this idiotic comp or worse strum the guitar like a drunkard. im sick. so sick.

hmm. what?

2006-01-16T12:02:00.000+08:00

okay. so work. my pay? is finished. haha. left 2 dollars and 41 cents. hahahah. okay2. err.

its hard for me to describe. mixed emitions. just continue to flow gaseously-like. it its an angry one, it rises. erhh. its hard. really. so. scenes of the highway. part of the highway blues. he knows i hate highways. so dull and grey. with the climate so gloomy. grey clouds covering the sky, but havent started to cry. i just sit by there. no one passes by. i was just alone. alone. of those i can see are plains, mountains and faraway birds.

are heavens associated with clouds? why am i seeing clouds? a bit of white and grey. around me. everything's mute. clouds everywhere. they start to darken. everything's mute. silence. there are no sounds. among the clouds i can see light which blinked its way anywhere.

i dont seem to have anymore interest. why do i know when im leaving? why can i see? is this the truth? they dont want you. they just get the best out of you, then thats it. so why not we do it to them? we take the best out of then and ditch them. easy? jails. gloomy entrance. guards resting. no one's looking. why cant they run? cell 2. u sit alone. u dream. of the outside. plains and cold winds are what u want to feel after so long. before you leave too. there dont seem to be any available. tears are what u want to drip. sad is what u want to feel. regret. regret. regret.

finally. the friends u thought are among the closest. they dont see you. they dont hear you. they already dont know you. see? u try very hard but they just continue among themselves. phythons will be our pets. cats are poisonous animals which we kill at sight. nothing seems the same anymore. you are forgotten. soon they will feel the same.

5 why's that keeps yan wonder. hmm.

2005-12-30T08:43:00.000+08:00

life? life. cibai why must it happen now? for me at least.why must everybody come almost at the same time? im sorry its hard to judge. im sorry. i cant avoid one. i will hurt not only one. in fact everyone. this artificially flavoured happiness being passed around. it sucks. i hate myself. by the way, safiah. whoever reading this, please have the pleasure to tell safiah that im writing bout her in my blog. cibai. what or how much do i owe you to have u biting behind my back. what kind of other roumers are u spreading behind me. how much do they pay you by doing this? ive never mistreated you. never. ure lucky to be the second girl i can throw vulgars at. why spread the roumers? why not approach me straight. and ask me. why? by then it wouldnt be roumers already. it would be the fact. its fun. fun eh spreading roumers. another thing. wtf did u told aishah bout the reason why i broke up with amanda?make things clear. ask before u spread ur germs. puki kau. not blindly okay. things have gone haywire for me. thank you very much. how can i ever repay you.

work and dreams.

2005-12-19T10:03:00.000+08:00

alaaaa.
malasnya nak blog. its been the 4th day since i started work. today i'll be reporting at around 3pm. woah. everyday come back at around 11pm. sometimes hungry. have to go eat. if not, have to head home. almost lifeless by then. eat at mcdonalds yesterday. airport t2. first floor. waited for diy, dan and cat. played the comp too. haha. thanks elen. very sweet of you. =) if u work at sukhothai, either u dont work or u work hard. how hard? very very hard. sigh. then. this sat maybe they having a pit. then the next day work again. its christmas. take a break. came home,
prayed and tried to sleep. cant sleep. what am i excited about? then when finally i get to sleep, i dream of you. why? i mean its like nothing between us already. its been how long already. very long. somehow its a scene whereby i and another friend. i cant recall who. we were sitting at this corridor. dont know doing what. then ur apartment, just beside where we were sitting. u were screaming. for whatever reasons. then me, outside, i screamed to u. telling u off. somehow i just hate u that much. have u ever noticed? when we were together, i never raised my voice. not even once. see my patience? somehow in this dream i have no patience. lost them all while u left.
heh. ya then i dont know where u got the drum from, u put it on the floor, and kicked it. then loud BOOMs could be heard. then i screamed again. i just hated u so much. then dont know. some mixed emotions happened. i dont know how and why. suddenly i was hugging u, crying. i missed u. i missed you. you hear me? errghhh. ya. then i saw u cried too. then suddenly i force myself to wake up. then i realised, heh the tears were real. why do i even think about it? when u dont even think about me?

myth and lies .

2005-12-09T07:42:00.000+08:00

slithering through the wet ground .
my heartbeat goes at a steady rate.
what seems ahead was unclear.
just neverending fogs and mists.
a gentle breeze rubbed my skin.
everything was quiet, gloomy and grey.
struggled through to find a puddle of water.
the gentle breeze again.

it was peaceful yet worrying.
my heartbeat quickens at the third breeze.
nothing appears to lead the way.
i'd dive into the leaves .
moved a little further and saw a memory.
grabbing it, and overturning it.
beneath the memory, lies some voices.
patiently waiting to be discovered.

the voices? they are your voices.
whatever i saw was so unexpected.
i saw a voice coming up to me.
it cried while telling its story.
so did i while listening to it.
light came to accompany us.
shadowing the voices .
outlining them, making them clearer.

shed this last tear and moved on.
the whole place seemed the same.
still foggy and full of mists.
tried to quicken up.
the conditions seem to never change.
grey, gloomy, dull, almost dead.
hearing footsteps, i turned behind.
pain was sprinting as fast as it could.

where to, pain?
catch up with u later, he answered.

nothing seem to make it happy.
everything was so worrying.
out of the fogs, suddenly came a phython.
a large phython.
sensing food, it toyed my life. threatening and all.
having to kill it somehow, revived the dead technique.
boom, it fell to the ground causing almost an earthquake.
saved my reputation, my life for love.

the fogs and mists started fading.
appeared a split end. left and right.
to the left, why not try my luck?
hearing footsteps again, came pain.
hey pain, ur visit almost killed me.
pain accompanied me all the way.
anywhere i go, till up to today.
should've taken the right lane.

yandArt.

ooh , Cruella .

2005-12-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

err. im yan. still yan. haha. mapek siow. k laa. basically my days have been. hmm. haha. nice. these few days. dont know why suddenly this takraw craze arise. haha. feeders, killers and tekongs. haha. yah. pirate, peel. haha. its good to exercise you know. u let yourself out. yah. lalala. did my splits again just now. ouch. after so long did not stretch. haha. yah. okay. today morning, woke up, i bathed. and nobody else did. haha. then had breakfast. then everybody bathed. i logged on to the comp in the meantime. yah. then ssaw this and that. haha. then we got in the car and went to Johore. did some shopping. my younger sister did not tag along. she had a pit at pasir ris. yeah. so its me, my elder sis, mom n dad. we reached angsana. then we played bowling. haha. fun. i didnt know i was good at bowling. =P then my elder sis was called the longkang girl. because almost all of her balls would end up at the side lanes before reaching the pins. haha. so funny sia. then they carried on to the second game. and i was lazy to carry on. they just carried on. i watched. smiled. yah. then after that went to Marrybrown. had lunch. yum2. haha. cute sia the girl there. cn we meet again one day?. =Phaha. yah. then saw vintage clothes. haha. cool. bought this n that. yah. then its already 3 by then. didnt manage to grab some hair dyes. not enough time. then by the time we got to the checkpoint, it was already jammed. it was only like 3.30pm. so early but already jammed up. then we just waited. yeah. overall we had a fun day. reached hm abt 4.45pm. prayed asar and went out again. met then at pirate. played takraw all. liyana said she saw me. haha. so notty sia peep2. yah. then after that went to festival park. rested, played takraw jap. but its dark so we cant really see the ball clearly. haha. stupid. then we saw the old men again. those which we saw during the fasting month. they were meditating again. so this time. eddie dared me to pick up their radio and run. haha. so, i guessed why not. u dont get to be naughty everyday. b4 dat. liyana came and sat with us. haha. malam2 pon nk lek2. p balik lah. nanti mak risau. haha. then she went home. ya. i did the dare. eddie thought i wasnt going to do it. i took the radio. walked a few steps before jumping off the platform. then i sprinted. haha. funny sia. yah. then discussed what if the police this and that. idiots. haha. then went home. sure had a long day today. haha. im soo tired. btw ah-zhu, nama merepek sia. haha. pe sia u woitz2. alermakk. haha. bila u off ah? =P miss yew. haha. toodles.

yandArt.

promises

2005-12-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

im starting to love promises. or is it. ignore promises? words. words. i'd remember when u said u'd cry before carrying on at the T-junction. but hell. u seem more happier now. heh. words. i'd remember u promising me that u'd never let go. in fact u told me not to let go. but in the end, who was it who let go? well2. am i hurt? heh. am i? well. u added salt to the wound by asking am i playing with ur heart? heh. as entertaining as it can get, the sooner u wanted to leave i bet. oh well. after o's we promised we'd go out together. as impatient as you can be, the more hurt i am you'd like to see. hari raya came. i understood too well. then, heh. cibai la. stop denying laa. came ur new friends. fuck u. shut up laa. why cant you just wait? too busy handling them, u forgot i exist. heh. then bla bla bla. u wanted freedom. we talked things out and we agreed to carry on. we did carry on. but its better that we're off. boyfriends and girlfriends have their limits. heh. yea. then soon, yea. at simei. was walking to the jamming place. she did not reply. hey, cant u feel how hurt i was? ure so mean. heartless. u promised u wouldnt repeat like what she did. remember? in the bus? u promised me? the minute before we got lost? before alighting the but and to find out that "hell!, we're at punggol." yea. remember? we found a bottle. and all. eh, i wonder what you told ur parents about me when they found out we broke up. next time dont promise when u arent sure u cant fulfil. ur sorries are so little they cant even stop this blood-tap.
i cant cry. i just cant. my friends see that im not crying and theyre thinking that oh, yan can handle it. ya. seeing is not believing. its not so easy. i force myself to turn but i just cant. it hurts me more. i didnt know sincerity would lead me to this square. cibai shut up can onot. puki kau.

like we used to

2005-11-26T09:48:00.000+08:00

i cant begin when u're in my mind. urg.get out. get out. hate.hate . hate. u are the island while im the one feeling isled. ure surrounded by water while im not. all we are just bullets i mean this. f*cking shit. okay okay. how did we used to do it. limits? nah . i dont get it. urm. dont get stressed out. slowly. y not just be straightforward? thatll be easier. err. no. no. no way. why must it be now that this happens. ? . why.? i tried to tell. i cant limit. i hate limits. urgh. why dont u still understand? someday i'll. u dont seem to see a thing. u changed everything. never seem to care. so busy with them. its the same whether i come to see you or not. its not me. its all about you. carry on like this and we will end up at a T-junction. we will. its like already ahead. visible through the fogs and mist. with litthe triis covering the path. can we go back and carry on like we used to? can we. i know u cant. cemented my face to go through the shame. asked her. oh my. came favours. still no response. no initiative. no nothing. i see that u ve losened ur grip.
see u around. dont ask me about this entry. find out urself. overturn this crap to carry on.

like we used to

2005-11-26T08:56:00.000+08:00

Seperti Dulu.Exists.

Selalu ku mengharapkan
Kau akan segera pulang
Kau balik seperti dulu
Menghapuskan rindu
Yang sering menghantuiku

Semenjak kau datang
Di hatiku sayang
Semua resahku hilang
Diriku bukanlah
Seorang yang mudah
Menyerahkan cinta semudah kata

Kudambakan cinta
Indah seperti dulu
Kerna cintaku tak pernah rasa jemu
Biar hati bimbang
Aku terus menunggu
Benar ku tahu kau tak pernah jauh
Kau di hatiku

Di hari yang datang
Janganlah kau ulang
Lukai hatiku sayang
Aku pun bukanlah
Seorang yang bisa
Menggantikan cinta sekelip mata

Aku inginkan cinta
Kita seperti dulu
Kerna cintaku tak mudah rasa jemu
Biar hati bimbang
Aku terus menunggu
Dan aku tahu kau tak pernah jauh
Kau di hatiku

my boiling mercury-like blood? i guess.

2005-11-12T14:32:00.000+08:00

im sick. again. i have this fever. urm, its hot, i have weird nightmares at night. an ulcer down my throat. so, i cant swallow properly. not even my own saliva. painful. ouch! then. urm, i cant sleep well at night as each time when ihave to swallow my saliva, the prickly pain will stay on for long. ya. then i'll have to stay awake. just imagine. and it happened since the night before my maths paper 2. i studied quite long i guess. was from 2pm to 9plus pm that night. and i went to bed but realised im having a fever. heh. strange how come i didnt feel it earlier. aniways i had to sort of cancel the appointment with my little miss. sorry for the disappointment. i thought u'd call. or at least reply. um. never mind. we'll meet soon kaes?. relieved and glad. for now. as my major papers are all over. im left with art and geography on the dates 15 and 16 November respectively. and another science paper on the 22nd. soon, so soon. im gona werk. yay.

half dead?

2005-11-05T19:34:00.000+08:00

ya. am i half-dead? i guess so. right now im down with a fever. o level fever i guess. sheesh. and its irritating. i hate fevers during exams. imagine how tired ur brain might be after one paper. ughh. whatever. btw, had the hari raya visits. found out he wasnt as good as he sounded. lol. mr cocktalker. oops. haha. baru mintak maaf. =P met most of my cousins. 4 together with me taking the o's. and including 2 more who want to go look for a job with me after the 22nd. aww. cant wait. maths paper is on monday. together with s.s. i should have no probs for s.s. i gota B4 for the practise i did. it was a june paper. singaporeans dont get to take that. ya june o's. ya then. more updates. more updates. ya. nowadays i seem to feel different. i hear this voice in my mind giving critics n laughing at my thoughts the other day. then, on another day, just after i fell asleep, i hear this same voice waking me up. "yan?.... yan??", it kept on calling. louder the second time. i opened the door as i thought it might be someone from inside the house. but the lights outside was off. everybody was fast asleep. and i thought it was just an imagination. so, back to sleep. yesterday night, i somehow heard my sister's mind. my little sister. she told me to guess who the hari raya card for her was from. immediately after that i heard her say the name. then i repeated after her. she thought i was smart but i heard her. and she denied and bla bla bla. u noe what i mean. though it is strange, it already seems normal to me. yesterday before i sleep, i saw a shadow dashed across this wall in my house with a small window connecting the dining room and the kitchen. i thought it was the fan on the ceiling. but when i got to the dining room, the fan was off. ya. weird. weird. weird. then had a sudden tummyache in the middle of the night. woke up and entered the toilet. behind me i saw something brown-black, swaying side to side. its like u can see it at the corner of ur eyes. then when i turned behind, it was nothing. the wall was white. no stains, no nothing. and the tummyache went away. what the hell. afraid to show urself but just wana play around. i was so sleepy and just slept. whatever u are, i've heard u, seen u. what next? smell u? feel u? idiot. aniways. life is collared. whatever that means. a red one i would prefer. this big animal just wont let me in the way. i'll stab u in the little toe. and down u go. crying in pain. and there my way is made. the collar u let go. im me again. foolishness.
urg. no one understands.

recalls.

2005-10-21T20:55:00.000+08:00

it was on a saturday
when we dawdled thru the dim pathway.
holding hands, we had no dismay.
those were the days.

goodbye, until we meet again.
au revoir, as i said again.
turned away and walked thru the lane.
already between us seemes to be like a terrain.

your prods n probities attracted me.
love n like twirled like eddy.
i dreamt u were my baby.
and it was really meant to be.

our afternoons.
we shared like no one else.
ripped open, are my healed wounds.
whenever, i see myself alone.

uphill roads n a phone booth.
bungalows n visible roofs.
a playground in the park.
if it rains, just our tough luck.

* * *

choir birds singing the dawn chorus.
the orange light striked is first.
light shadowed the birds in the horizon.
n cars filling the highway reached thousands.

unintendedly reinterating.
my common mistake that left her waiting.
its reaching late morning.
im unsure how i did my planning.

everything was preternaturally done.
honestly, i did not do it for fun.
i could've helped myself with a little run.
but this round, i swore u've won.

u started to treat me differently.
giving clues to my mistakes hueristically.
decipherment chart, do help me.
get me out of this mess quickly.

just like a neverending helix.
ur words splashed like acids.
also containing implicits,
now is not a good time to meet.

accused of being impenitent.
dropped a tear but i just. dont wana turn.
enduring a hot bulb.
similar to not giving up.

* * *
eddy winds.
staggered me in the condition im in.
still my queen,,
thats what u wanted to hint.

freezing air n morning dew.
recalled me of the times when im with u.
i've always needed you.
forgive me, please start anew.

for me n for you.

So analyze your hate, find out where it is based .

2005-10-13T22:08:00.000+08:00

prelims over. super f*cking outcome. ugh. forget it. im done with my art. painting. just waiting for wan to send it to me tonight. he took the pic la i mean. yah. the other day went to geylang. saw some friends there. saw thania there. i was walking and suddenly looked up to see her. yah. unexpected though. then i smiled and walked away. then saw rafie with his mum. yah smiled again. hah. then walked passed him. then lastly i met syahidah. not really met ah. i didnt know she was walking beside me. she was with her friend. this syahidah is my pri sch friend. not from evss btw. yah. then she asked her friend to shout "Yan!". then i turned. the place that we walked was so packed. i cannot hear clearly. then she smiled2 all. like crazy. wth. then ya i carried on walking. was boring. finally we went home. then too much things happened and i couldnt keep track. our art dates were extended. a week even after mrs julie tay said it was a confirm that she would collect. liar liar. yah. so me n amy sorta had a misunderstanding. yah bla bla bla. and yah we're okay already. i really hope. and tomorrow is the last day of school. and no school until o levels. but unluckily enuff, the rest of the school wont be in sch tmr. poor thing sec 4s need to attend to it. and then after sch tmr go for prayers, go home after that, sleep then wake up n bath n go to geylang. break my fast there. yeah. cool. hmm. okae.getting tired already. miss yew amy. mwah.

and.

2005-09-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

the past, the recent, the present.

to him, she was cute.
to her, he was handsome.
but he has yet to be fume.
and b4 anything,
she thinks she's awesome.

she wanted sincerity.
he asked for loyalty.
she broke this treaty.
and he was left empty.

he loved her too much.
he trusted her too well.
lets say he comes across any doubts,
he'll keep it to himself.

her ex that came back.
that made the new relationship crack.
u left him with ur tracks.
with the love that remained intact.

she used to be his number one.
but now she seemed to be the last one.
he hoped he was the only one.
but finally knew she had another one.

since rules were meant to be broken,
actions were meant to be taken.
promises were usually mistaken,
for leaving oneheartbroken.

just had enough with an ex that suck.
hey dont worry they dont even know you.
however u still wanted me to stay stuck
and be fooled again by you?

heh.
and they broke up.
he left her happy.
hadnt he loved,
wouldnt he cared.
he moved on.
she carried on.
21 June 2005.
the date they broke up.
the date he got so fu*ked up.

fu*k the day she came back.
dont think i would even look back.
i found my someone new.
& she's one of the rarest few.

i kept my promise i wont lie.
i restrict myself only for you.
i tried my best not to be careless.
but somehow u still get jealous.

this dealer rolledthe dice.
at the same time, claiming his prize.
for the things i've sacrifised,
u cant see but yet u criticize.

i loved you so much.
so sincerely as an angel's touch.
togerher we'll sit and watch.
ant at the same time i'll judge.

thinking a lot when ure jealous.
imagine more when ure helpless.
we had our 4th mishap.
ever since the daywe met.

not wanting to expand the gap,
i returned from where i leapt.
stop thinking this is a game.
'cos uve ben mine all the same.

u wont talk to me
u started to hate me.
u wont tell me why.
u left me wondering why.

as asinine as a little child, it melts my heart when i see u smile.
again.

the fall.

the blood meets at the blade of the knife.
while the enemy suffers the pain.
i'll fall and disappoint everyone in my life.
& ill drop to die in the glooms of the rain.

the rain.

the sky grows grey and the wind had their way.
sunlight wont be seen again till the next day.
droplets started racing like bullets in arrays.
exploding each time they reached the stage play.

the stage play.

identities are kept unknown.
and actors carried on acting.
an enigma by the payphone,
so busy thinking and dreaming.

highway blues

2005-09-08T23:27:00.000+08:00

hey. tired but still have to update. i just felt like updating. this holiday seems to make me grow more tired by day. sleep late in the night and still have to wake up early and go to school for classes. we sort of had our timeout. then i was like getting myself to adapt the new temporary life. without her. then suddenly she sms from indonesia saying that she's coming back real soon. so i was expecting her on monday. yup. then came the news bout the plane crash in indonesia which freaked me out. i asked a lot of people wondering where the plane was actually heading. no one was really sure. i thought and thought and made myself more tired. i admit. i missed. so, we sort of met. online. and we chatted. but not long she have to go. again. to study. i still had lots to tell. lots to ask. but she went aniway. well its okay. then. talking bout this holiday, it made me have the mood to study. yah. i practised maths. lotsa them. yea. and i like it. for the last two nights, i had these weird dreams. ugh. fuck the replacements laaa. stop looking at me like that. keeps my mind wondering why. nvm u wont understand. dont bother asking. i grow more tired thinking. so i avoid thinking by doiing things that i hate. btw, had my time with haziq. felt more satisfied now. fuck la he say play2 only. actually today my parents wants to bring me to johore with them. but i said no. im sick of the highways. it bores me. tmr got art class again.on sat, i have to attend an open house at Yishun. i dont feel like having fun already. talking bout fun, i hate friends who are selfish. fuck u la. u should know who u are. btw, Ratu said she'll be online at 5 yesterday. but i stayed till 6.3opm and she did not appear from anywhere. at night, i came online again at 9. stayed till 11pm. still negative. my pc brokedown today so i used the laptop. cb the pc ah. tired ah want to sleep.

autopoemgraphy.

2005-08-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

they knew each other.
they chatted at MSN.
they soon cared for each other.
and.
he wondered how they would end.

she thought he was shy.
he thought he was friendly.
he turned out to be otherwise.
and being friendly was her creed.

as months passed, they grow closer.
from normal friends to good friends.
discovering they could understand each other,
they then carried on to be more than good friends.

he thought that everything was going well.
not knowing of an emo side and a fragile heart.
she'll go mad over small favours he can't fulfil.
he then realised that things would get hard.

either one needs to be forgiving.
at times it was him, and at times it was her.
she picked this up from a saying,
"quarrellings make the relationship stronger"

the pain together they beared.
and.
the wait all these while was worth.
their feelings together they shared.
and its already time they fall in love.

at times its funny recalling how they became together.
smiling to himself, how lucky he got her.
still could not believe that they're already together.
but he noes he'll love forever.

it's been a week and three days.
so slowly time passes by.
but it already seems like a hundred days.
and he still hopes that neither will say goodbye.

mIstakes wE kNew wE wEre mAking.

2005-08-28T18:38:00.000+08:00

so. its been a week and a day. sometimes i smile to myself. agreeing to my friends when they consider me lucky. at times, the downs i'll have to suffer for. alone. but i seldom show. sigh. woke up in the morning at ard 6.30. i prayed and went back to bed. i dont know why but this morning i felt so weak. then i woke up at 8. around 9+ i smsed Ratu. told her not to sms me for today. then i watched tv jap. and went online. im yah surprised to see her online. because she's the type that will wake up nearly in the mid-day. so 9+ is early. yah. haha. then we chatted. had breaks. yah. then at 1+ she had to sweep the floor. and after about half an hour or so, she still haven't returned. then my small sis wanted to use the comp. so i waited close to an hour. yah. my sis is so irritating. very irritating. then i dont know who was in front of her comp. i get more bingit. i dont know why but why do u assume what i typed out was meant for u? things would turn out fine if u had read it from the start. not jump to conclusions. ugh. even if it was ur brother in front of the com. must u trust him a hundred percent? y not read it urself. ugh. u knew me yet u ahhhh. forget it. u cld have e-mailed me like hw u e-mailed to my sis. i wouldnt bother wait if i havent loved. today, the second mishap occured. since 20th August. both were about misunderstandings. the last one occured when i couldnt send her home. i just cant. my ez link was with my teacher. and i spend all the money for that day including the syillings. it was partly my fault too. i promised. i said sorry but she didnt even seem to bother. so from her perspective, its my fault. she was still moody on friday morning. i tried to make her smile that day. i feel tired at the same time better whenever i see her smile again. its like such a big achievement. for me. sigh. so while she was having the e-mail session with my sis, i drew some names. ours and hers. i wanted to put it up but. um. what for?. she wouldnt even bother. then here i am now updating this entry. i told her not to sms me yet she did. but when i replied, she kept quiet. i just dont understand. ugh. so for tonight, my dad is driving all of us except my sis to Johore. i was excited when my mum told me bout it yesterday. i'm gonna get lotsa new stuffs. but now, i dont even feel like going. ahhhh why why???? tell me straight in the face. tell me that i suck. this is what i should call my bad day. however, um. i still do love.

umm..

2005-08-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

we went out, we dined.
foreseeing that one day u'll be mine.
i saw ur mom, i met ur dad.
surprisingly he thought i wasn't bad.

strolling in the park so slowly in the dark.
still recalling, 6pm, the time i'll mark.
promise me a thing, u'll leave me not.
cast the unique love on me u've got.

to me u've always been so kind.
thanks for making that afternoon so fine.
the maid, the maid, when it started,
five seconds ago our love occured.
=)

hees....so. um last sat we went out. decided to go out actually. yah. then last minute, she called me. she cant go out. y? because her dad saw the name she carved or something on her hand. the great news is that its my name. yah. and the dad knows that we are going out on that day. and things do get 'better' that day. i already proceeded with a plan B. met fuad all...at the pdg griffiths there. some organisation held a family day there and they are helping out. so maybe i'm just going to proceed to 285 and lepak or what. yah. then suddenly she called me again. she asked me where am i. then bla bla bla its like 3.40pm like dat and she promised me 1.30pm. then she said her parents wants to see me. i was like ughh... trouble trouble. and i already proceeded with my plan B. i wont want to return with plan A. but i'll have to. its either now or the next time. somehow. yah then went to bedok. past through the security. wrote my id all. then went up. saw her mom. met her dad. yah bla bla bla. then yahoo~!!! haha. off to town. because of u ah we missed the first 12. ugh. then waited then another 12 came. yah all the way to bugis. the tix is $9.50. show is at 5.55pm. then watch. haha. best. um. scary2 ah. yah then we went home. sent her at her block. then a gdnyte kiss. haha. then i went hm. awww. =P yah. thats abt saturday. sunday
was nt bad. went out at 12+. went to fight club. met bir. then dan. then we went to Mc to eat. yah then marsh, mach, izat came. yah. then went back to fight club. then study2. till 6+. then went home. after maghrib need to visit my gramps at simei. yah then went hm. sleep. the next day went sch with her.as usual late. haha.. same goes for tuesday. yah im damn tired now. can i sleep?. bye laaaa.. btw, love my honey. =P

d A r t '

2005-08-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

so long seh nvr update. so many things happened. gd ones. bad ones. so i got my malay o's results. had a B4. a distinction for the oral. so unsatisfying. ugh. wasting time seh when i took the paper. decided to retake. waste money. waste time. that was on friday. on sat, went out early like 12 pm like dat. 'wanted' to go persisi/perses watch psk. followed bir to fetch mai at her hs. lepak with hakim n his frens all. then mai n bir went down. took 168 i think to bedok int. in the bus honey called me. wanted to go town watch movie. the maid. the sneak preview. we planned earlier on that week actually. then i walked to bedok cc. thats when i met her 15 mins after i reached. then we decided to take 12 dropped at bugis tk silap. haha... yah then walked all ard town. it was like 5.20 when we went to lido, cineplex, lotsa2 places ard town ah....all sold out. cb!. the next show after 5.30pm was 11.30pm n 12.15pm. eesh...yah then we gave up n went to eat at mac. eat the fries only like so full already. maybe bcoz that we're tired. yah. then we took 518 to bedok. then walked at pasar mlm jap. then sent her to her corridor. n i went hm. yah. thats our saturday. on sunday was syaheed's match. he lost sey. tough luck. i just sat at hm dat day. afternoon i tot of watching my friends match at the field near 285. then yah met liyana. then went hm. mendak2.... monday more mendak. tues lagi mendak. today, ms maya's b'day. got art. sang b'day song. like stupid. haha... then got ghost at art room. i had headache all.. then met ketik after sch. yah. tmr going sch with honey againn... tiring sey walk to afghan. haha. yah this sat watching again. town area. yah.

darn...

2005-08-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

"Without you my life is incomplete my days are
Absolutely grayAnd so
I try to let your heart know for sure
That I have so much more
To tell you every single day
My life is incomplete my rights are
Absolutely wrong
So wake me up before you leave today
Something I need to say
'cause there will be nothing when
You're gone"

mY oNly oNe___.

2005-08-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

Plain White T's-
My Only One

Oh please, don't go.
I need you.
I'll please you, not mislead you.
If you would be my only one.

Together we move slowly.
I'll never leave you lonely.
If you would be my only one.

If you believe
we were meant to be.
Why'd you leave me alone?

What happend to forever?
I'll try to make things better.
If you would be my only one.

Been six days since we've spoken.
I'll fix you when you're broken.
If you would be my only one.

If you believe
we were meant to be.
Why'd you leave me alone?

If you believe
we were meant to be.
Why'd you leave me alone?

If you love me too.
Can I call you?
My Only One.
If you say no.
I won't let go.
My Only One.

If you believe
we were meant to be.
Why'd you leave me alone?

If you believe
we were meant to be.
Why'd you leave me alone?

try listening to this song. vr nyce. yup. a switheart recommended it to me. hees.=) lotsa meanings, sweetwords n promises. made some of my frens listen to this song. sum say merepek laa. some say ok2 laa. ape saje la krg. haha. just nw went to syaheed's hs. want to watch war of the worlds. dvd show. i asked him to cum over. but he still lazing in his bed. haha..then ok ah i went over to his place. pig sia him. wake up so late. haha... then reached his house, he bathing. alerrmak.. geram seh. haha...call the hm fone, handfone, sms....all no respond. then waited outside his house ah. wait like 1/2 hr liddat then he open. haha. pig boy. then watch the show. ok2 ar. but i expected sth more interesting. then after the show mum called ask me 2 go back early so tt i cld help my sis out wit her projectwork. i was like. urghh... god noes why. nvm. yar then went to fitness corner. sit down. then after that to the mph nearby. then g t mart jap. haha... mph tu multi purpose hall. yah. then after that went to kedai ciner there. finally went hm at 9.45pm. liddat only i tired already. yah so went hm n helped my sister to work with the macromedia flash program. it will take abt 2 days for me to finish the whole project. with her ard. yup. and yah this week is our diagnostic week. must study2. haha.. have to continue studying seh b4 i enjoy fully after the O's last paper. cant wait!. haha... yah so happy 4th month anniversary to my brader, jab n his gf, fiqah. haha... couple gila. all the best guys. =P yah so tmr i got ss dt. on good governance. mann boringg2. syaheed nt going sch tmr.. haha. got probs with his teeth. whatever probs lucky pig cn wake up late!. haha. so thats it for 2day ah. tired2. urghh. damn it. damn it. u just wouldnt realise. u wouldnt know. i'll have to lie. im sorry. u'll find out one day. honey.

ada apa denganmu

2005-07-23T12:41:00.000+08:00

Sudah maafkan aku
Segala salahku
Dan bila kau tetap bisu
Ungkapkan salahmu

Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku

Sudah lupakan semua
Segala berubah
Dan kita terlupa
Dan kita terluka

Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku

Kutanya malam
Dapatkah kau lihatnya perbedaan
Yang tak terungkapkan
Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah
Ada apa denganmu

Hanya malam dapat meleburkan
Segala rasa yang tak terungkapkan
Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah
Ada apa denganmu

weEe!... ahaha... so long seh nvr update. k. ferstly, bout the changes in my life. things start to go faster. time, little2 pleasures, money, topics in the textbook. urrgh.. pressurizing seh. problems arise. misunderstandings, backbitings.
problems amongs friends.
problems in the family.
these would never end.
n i wont live peacefully.
sigh... so, last thursday was racial harmony day. many people were wearing traditiional costumes. and i mean many. haha... like out of 100 percent, 98 percent was wearing traditional costumes. yah...ribut kan.. haha..so had a lot of fun for that day. then got interhouse in the afternoon. i played for yellow hs. green hs won just by luck. argh.. next leopards will have to face panthers. y this year leopards cacat seh?...haha... maybe next thursday. or tuesday. so on friday we had school as per normal. but then cb melison see. last period we played with tot's hair. since we have straws in our class, we stuck as many straws in his hair. haha.. very nice. then finally when his hair cannot hold anymore straws, he decided to go see himself in the mirror in the toilet. since the toilet is only next to our class, we just went out. there were about 6 people who went out. we had 2 free periods. bcoz we had 2 periods of chem in the morn. replacing mother tongue. then tot saw his hair n screamed like crazy ah. haha... every one noes that tot is crazy. yah so, we went out of the toilet and went back to class. while going to class, one of us saw melison see at the canteen looking ard. i think she saw us. but im very certain she did not saw me. then nvm ah. cb. then suddenly she went up the stairs and straight to our class. then she asked who were the three boys who went out w/o the teacher's permission. so i thought i wont own up. since the whole class wont own up, she cannot do anything. she keep repeating the question. but nobody owned up. so i thought the plan was going well. when suddenly muhua owned up. wtf!! spoil sia... argh... then she ask to write statement. so the whole class wrote a statement. then she walked off. cb. think vp so big ar? eesh... yah then finished school went home n took the soccer boots for khairul uda. faizal n hakim came. talked cock. haha...then panthers miraculously won. haha...2-1 to cougers. yah. then finished went home. changed eat, n went out again. met mach, faizal, hakim, ham, bir, izzat again under the block. then bir wanted to go home. so i faizal n hakim followed him home. then we played his teddy. haha...talked2 nonsense while bir bathed. then finally went down again. met them. they had sparring session. then 9+ only they want to go home. kental sia. friday wat... go home late ah... then all want to go. so what to do... yah. bir, hakim n faizal went to nad's hs. her fam not at hm. haha... i think they slept at her hs. yah.. so i went to meet my sis under my block. then went home. then dono what to do.. sms gdnyte msg to a friend. then she replied. then she told me not to sleep ferst. she asked me to layan her. then i like... tk cewet ah.. yah...then finally cannot tahan already. i slept. it was abt 11. until 10 this morn.. haha.. but i woke up to pray subuh ferst laa... then yah here i am updating. then got one smelly girl nvr bath.. ask me to update. then i update she ask me to faster. then i typing she ask me to layan her.... grrr... geram seh..haha... yah thats about it ah... bbye.

gorgeous on the outside. so evil in the inside.

2005-05-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

changed my blogskin...look more boring like this. ahaha..
things come and go.
upcomings will eventually evolve to become the recent.
my past and upcoming events..
______________________________
past recent.
----------------------------------------
~>SA1 is so over.
~>prelims oral was over just now.
~>mr farizal got married last sunday.
~>malay O levels is over: last monday.
__________________________________
upcoming future.
---------------------------------------------
-NCC camp(7-9 June)
-Tgk wayang(4 June)
-Tgk wayang ngan org tuh(6 June)
-Art Classes(1-2 June,6-9 June,13-15 June)
-Re-sits for SA1(scattered in the month of June)

seemingly easy...but i dare to say not. LoL!..
hmm.. tmr got art.
but gd thing its at 1 pm..
leh angun lambat skit..
haha..ok ah..gtg fer now.
tag if there's anything u guys wana say!.

adIOs!!~

yAn dArt___.

holla.

2005-05-24T18:44:00.000+08:00

hie!! very long nvr update. new blogskin but old blogs. LoLx! haha.. now i'm bored. very2 bored. yesterday created this poem. its a break up poem i should say. talking abt break up... i'm facing one soon i guess. HaiZz!!!
i'm sorry coz i think i'm not the right type of guy for u.
i'm sorry i spelled ur name wrongly.
i'm sorry for being an idiot.
i'm sorry for wasting ur time.
i'm sorry i treated u so satisfactorily till u started being ungrateful.
i'm sorry that i had always been the one who kept quiet.
i'm sorry i always made u angry.
i'm sorry that it's coming too soon.
i'm sorry that it's too late.
i'm sorry.

"Love is just not about hoping.
Experiments are to be made before time's up.
Something where one needs to keep trying.
Before a party decides for a break up.

Recalled the day my eyes u had caught.
While i was with the one that i adored.
The love which will last forever,again i thought.
Before realising what a waste for the love i poured.

This is not something for which i had expected.
For all these while i had been playing along.
Counting all the time and money i had wasted,
When i finally know, this is not where i belong."

these are the ones i talked about. sigh!.. How? nice?..No? LoLx! Ok2.. im not that happy right now.

Thinking and thinking.
But i still came up with no solutions.
Time just keeps flying.
When all i am waiting for are some actions.

u noe what i mean. malay 'O's are next week?..haha..nope..in 4 days time. So..anything just tag kay?

my new skin!

2005-04-29T14:57:00.000+08:00

wei. how come yesterday blog entry never show up? i update already noe... stupid seh. just now had SA 1 English Paper 1 and 2. All my fren say compre easier than compo. seow!..compo easier laa.. i wrote about talents. and syaheed keep offing the fan. stupid. trying to be funny. ahaha... ok i want to sleep now see u monkeys tomorrow maybe?

nahh!...

maybe some other time.

bye_____

new skin!

2005-04-28T20:09:00.000+08:00

hey!...after a long time shunning this blog alone.. i've finally have returned to update and re-publish it. well... i think the skin is quite simple. but cannot find anything more contrasting. so...be it ah...wait further till i come to a better skin okay?. basically i'm just anxious to see my update come to live n see this blog revive...wHeEeE~!! waKaKakA!!... so i hope u guys while hopping ard will stop and tag yah?...i hope this blog will last that long.. i will do the updates at least once a week. i hope?..ahaha.. so..gotta go now. gd luck for those frm east view sec taking their eng paper tmr!..all the best yah.